One way or another, everyone goes through a rough time. Chances are, you compare your struggles with what everyone else is going through. And that can make you feel ashamed and embarrassed about your own problems. When overcoming challenges in life seems an insurmountable task, follow these 4 tips to help you deal with your struggles so you can overcome them.

Meg Jay is a clinical psychologist who’s been studying adult development for almost 20 years. And in that time, she’s learned a thing or two about resilience. In fact, Jay believes that “Resilience is not a trait. It’s not something you’re born with. It’s not something you just have.”

Resilience is something you develop over time. And contrary to what you might be thinking, resilience isn’t about having a stiff upper lip, being tough, bouncing back and pushing through.

To Jay, resilience comes when you acknowledge your struggles and stress – whatever these may be – and go from there. And here are her four tips to do just that:

  1. Remember that your struggle is legitimate. Sure, you can always find someone who is in a worse situation than you, and that can make you ignore your own problem. But your struggle is valid, however big or small it is.
  1. Remember that you’re a resilient person. If you’re struggling with something now, it’s probably not the first time you’ve faced a difficult situation. So, look back and see where you’ve been resilient before.
  1. Identify your strengths and use them again. In past hardships, you probably tapped into your strengths, and you can do that again!
  1. Be proactive and do something about the problem instead of waiting for it to pass.

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