It might seem strange to teach your partner how to love you. After all, if he or she loves you, they love you, and that’s it, right? Not necessarily. The truth is, many of us give love that we want to give. But this isn’t necessarily what makes people feel loved. So, even if you and your partner are doing the best you can, you both can end up feeling frustrated and misunderstood. However, if you teach your partner how to love you, you can create a healthier relationship.

Author and founder of CompassionPower in Washington, D.C., Steven Stosny, Ph.D., counsels people with relationship problems. And in his work, he noticed that many of us are still using our “Toddler brain”. This means, “we’re likely to give what we want to give, rather than what our partners want to receive.”

In short, even though we love each other, we keep falling short because we’re still operating like a toddler.

That’s why Stosny believes that teaching your partner how to love you is actually the most loving thing you can do in your relationship.

Teaching your partner how to love you doesn’t mean you take a dominant, authoritative or condescending position. Instead, it’s a vulnerable yet powerful way to communicate what he or she can do that will make you feel loved.

And since every relationship is a two-way street, let your partner teach you how to love them. The best place to start is to write a list of the things your partner can do, or continue to do, to make you feel loved.