Communication is essential for every relationship. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. At times, it probably feels like you and your partner are both speaking the same language, but not getting anywhere with each other. What’s the problem? The truth is, you might not be speaking the right love language and vice versa.
Dr. Gary Chapman spent decades counseling couples. And over the years, Chapman observed specific patterns in how people express love and want to receive love. And while everyone is unique, he found that there were five “love languages” that were pretty much universal.
So, what’s a love language? Simply put, it’s how you express your love for someone. And usually, it’s how you want to receive love in return. But if your partner and you have different love languages, you can talk all you want, but it might not feel like you’re really connecting and communicating.
The problem? You’re probably not speaking the same love language.
Chapman shares his findings in his New York Times bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, which has sold over 11 million copies. And here’s a brief rundown of the five love languages that he discovered.
Words of affirmation
For these people, words mean the most. So, saying “I love you” and giving compliments is how they like to give and receive love.
If you or your partner speak the quality time love language, nothing is worse than being together but not really being present to each other. So, leave the smartphone behind and give your full attention.
This love language isn’t materialistic. Instead, these people show love by gifting things. And it can be anything from a small, thoughtful note, or a more costly item. It’s the gift that helps the individual feel loved.
Acts of service
This language is different from “words of affirmation”. Here, action is what’s important, not words. And helping out – even with small things – can go a long way to help the individual feel loved, appreciated and valued.
Physical touch may make you think of the bedroom immediately. But this love language is all about physical connection throughout your daily life. Hugs, kisses, physical closeness and so much more – this is how these individuals feel loved and give love, too.
Do you recognize yourself in one of the five love languages?